At the beginning...

Okay, so I have the heading, now where do I start....

I've been thinking about writing for many years, as far back as a child even. I love books, the look of them, the smell, and of course the content - I love to write more! I spend a lot of my time pondering on all sorts of things and thought that I would like share my ponderings to anyone who may be interested, or not.

I have much time on my hands these days, having been diagnosed with ME/CFS (myalgic something or other that I don't remember/chronic fatigue syndrome that I do!) so think maybe now would be as good a time as any to get to grips with some blogging to begin with.

Julia is my name and sharing is my game. Although having spent most of my life being a private person, frustratingly not as nontransparent as I'd hoped to be, I do love to share stories, anecdotes, theories and pretty much anything else that springs to mind. I have managed to get myself into all kinds of trouble by sharing my thoughts and beliefs, not particularly good for one who doesn't handle backlashes very well!

For me it has been more important to get to the truth of things, whether that's the truth of who's responsible for who's behaviour or of whether someone is lying or not, amongst many other truths to be found. Of course I know truth can be a very subjective idea, depending on who's looking. I also understand that to deny one's own truth can, not only harm one's self, but other's around them too. For example; should I lie to myself about how I feel and smile when feeling very annoyed about something or, more than likely, someone, I could be sending out confusing signals. When a friend or family member asks if I'm feeling upset, I could say something along the lines of 'oh yeah, I'm fine', through gritted teeth or forced smile. Understandably my friend or family member could very easily feel confused and, maybe not wanting to upset me further, collude with my delusion, leaving me feeling safe and deceptively OK. Until, that is, my pretending to be OK when not tank overloads and combusts in the face of an unsuspecting, relatively innocent party!!

Not all would be clear to say the least, and naturally could very easily leave the person who sensed that I was not quite as OK as I had falsely and falsely happily claimed, to doubt their innate ability to read another's feelings, possibly doubting themselves as a result.

So you see, or you may not, how truth can be a very important factor in enabling relationships to be straightforward, or as straightforward as can be possible given our natural tendency to be complex beings.

The truth can at times be painful, but how about the pain that can come from denying the truth? I think that, in the long run at least, can be much more painful. At least knowing the truth can open our eyes to what is happening and the possibilities of making a difference to either ourselves or the world around us.

It wouldn't be very fair of me to talk about the truth of things without giving some truth about me, so here goes nothing. For starters, I can be a huge hypocrite and not surprisingly hate hypocrisy with a passion. So how do I deal with myself, that's easy I make it up as I go along, simply changing my mind when the wind blows me in a different direction. I do have some fairly strong values or beliefs, being flexible is one of them. I won't be tied to any one idea or person. I am most loyal to my wonderfully colourful children, much to their grief at times.

As for the rest of it, well I guess that will leak out in my writing over time, not really being very good at being private!!

.......there's more, oh so much more!!

Be happy, sometimes that's all we have, and the truth of course! :)