How To Eliminate Stress And Anxiety FOREVER | Srikumar Rao

I didn't know what the outcome would prove to be, what course this journey would take and after the initial liberation from removing myself from situations stimulating trauma I really don't need, I've arrived at realising my hook to stress in my life has resumed, if ever it was halted, because nothing has happened, there is no change. I am not freed from the destination, I have still determined at a subconscious level I'm in control like the baby who has learned to expect comfort when she cries but was met with the cold tit of resentment instead. Irritated, frustrated at anyone and everyone who so much as look at me, dare exist in this world when all I want is space to myself and yet in search of someone, something to reassure me all was going to be alright, as I want it to be all the same, my eyes were turned toward by curiosity but expectant disappointment this video... ...a timely reminder it turns out of what my goal was all along; to be free of the stress from cutting the strings, the repercussions I can walk from. No more the puppet to another master but in authentic, grateful servitude to myself, my life and all that it brings as I delude myself I am steering my own course. In a desperate search for something new to do to take me far enough away but not so far as I can't be seen, I forgot I don't need to do anything, that drive for achievement is not my own making, it's my father's and my need to please him still, to earn his love, to be the person the person I want needs me to be. All I want and need is peace of mind and for that, I simply have to let go, let be, be me in miserable harmony with loss and elevated joy of finding, the two held with symbiotic ease. This I can do.

An inevitable consequences of corrupt capitalism?

“fascist movements build their base not from the politically active but the politically inactive, the ‘losers’ who feel, often correctly, they have no voice or role to play in the political establishment”. Chris Hedges.

Stepping into the abyss

It's been four weeks since I walked myself into harm's way, not put unnecessarily in positions of tension or remained because of another's dependency, and avoid troublesome conflict, abandonment by revealing how I feel to people who take personally my not trusting the untrustworthiness they present. As they save their fragile self from exposure of frightened reality hidden safely behind blockades of angry torment, instead tarnishing me the unreasonable, the hateful they deny as they hold themselves in check, the victim, not the harm they inflict in avoidance of direct truth. If I'd known what the other side of the black hole of sinking dread held, that I've feared, remained close to the edge, never falling since my husband, protector left me holding the baby in dilapidated dwelling with no money or means to fix, vulnerable once again to my mother and brother's impenetrable control, I'd have jumped a thousand times and a thousand times more. Never dared take that step into the abyss since a naive yet with much instinctual wisdom doubted 21 year old who'd not yet discovered how much she could do alone, how brave she was to be able to walk away despite repercussions and come out clearer in mind each time she was met with atrocity, each time I met atrocity halfway.

Not the barbed metal jacket laden down with all I've ever done to deserve hell's piercing cold impervious to pleads of innocence never to let me rise into the silver encompassing warmth of sunlight, to breathe in again the scented grass of barefooted freedom, light with dance and glow of aura welcoming a connected companion to grow. No more the trauma demanding I lay awake in panic to face the bleak dark of night, fearful the day of losing all I have shall surely arrive now as I find my sanctuary, my home, my heart at peace at last. I sleep the sleep of being cared for, loved, to wake rested in mind to live another day with all credibility of life honestly lived. I ache in damaged body as I celebrate with those I independently choose to be in the company, my family full of the vitality of youth eagerly moving into a world of naive hope all will be well, scared it won't, our innermost selves shared with knowledge we will not be rejected but instead held near and understood as best we can. The other side is not what I'd learned to expect from a troubled, dysfunctional past but the getting here was met with post triggered by present wrath, that flagellation had first to be endured, felt and bloody scars sewed, skin softened in readiness for genuine friends yet to find in flesh. When we dare to turn and face the shadows we shy away, our reality, we shall surely find ourselves amongst the rabble, stood out like the gems we enviously see in others as we never dare let shine in ourselves. Let them be jealous, I say, stop hiding to save another from the self they too wish they were. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Not exactly. What doesn't kill us teaches us we can overcome terrific loss at a price. My price has been my health and financial security. My reward; knowing I was right to trust myself all along, a gift I promise never to deny my offspring and their pending families as my mother did mine. Won't you come on in? ;) Image may contain: possible text that says '"The shadow is a tight passage, a narrow door, whose painful constriction no one is spared who goes down to the deep well." Carl Jung'

The motivation hoax

Feeling inadequate when faced with other people's proclamations of self made success, unrelenting 'positivity', motivational meme's telling us all we need is hope, prayer, the power of thought, cats......? I highly recommend this book. Puts success, positivity, motivational quotes into realistic perspective. Sadly, ironically, we live in a society that regards realism as negative where self esteem is attached to external validation and obsessive passion/addiction praised. In short; we are misled by people with unrealistic expectations, demands and overinflated self esteem and entitlement. Do yourself a favour, know the road to success whatever that means to you never has the same starting point for everyone and NOT requiring external bolstering is a requisite for healthy self esteem, satisfaction in oneself....basic needs met withstanding, naturally.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36478531-the-motivation-hoax