The love of the other I never had.

I wasted too much time wishing I could be the person you couldn't help but love, the right person for you. You who didn't see me, didn't know me...didn't know yourself. Did I love you? That is and always needed to be the question. The answer; yes, as best I could I did, I loved you despite you not loving me not because..I stayed with you because.

This is and always needs to be the answer. The question; can I let anyone love me?

"To thine own self be true." William Shakespeare.

My message to Theresa May

It appears you don't hear yourself, Theresa May let alone other people unless they are repeating the same diatribe you continue to spout that holds little to no basis in reality. You talk of MP's having the right to not be intimidated by members of the public whilst you continue to do just that not only to members of the public who you largely ignore..again unless they agree with you, and members of the house, Jeremy Corbyn in particular. You claim to be clear and answer questions but you are far from. Speaking and repeating what you have said is not answering the questions necessarily. I understand The Labour Party's stance on Brexit far clearer than your party and indeed your stance aside from understanding that the focus is primarily on party politics within the tory government where the Brexit negotiations have been largely held, not even with the EU have you negotiated, they claim they still don't know what you want either. If you could hear what everyone else who has the ability to listen objectively to you and to what other members of the public and parliament are saying there wouldn't be such a problem..as it is your deal has been massively defeated simply because you don't hear what people are saying..the will of the people is not what you claim, the will of a minority is to leave the EU and not all on the grounds that you say and certainly a large number of those people do not have full facts on what leaving means, especially without a deal. I don't mean to be insulting here, I witness this high level of ignorance widespread within my own community and the wider world on social media. Very understandable given the lies and twisted truths spread by mainstream media and independent bloggers and self-proclaimed campaigners like Tommy Robinson, Nigel Farage who entices division and hate based on ignorance and lies. This to me demonstrates not only a gaping hole in our education system where learning to respectfully debate, political sciences, how the country's economy works, constitutional law etc should be but an example the government itself sets in enticing hate and division based on lies and manipulation also. Your cruel politics and vicious offensive defences when challenged are poisonous despite your determination that they and your party are beneficial to this country and the people and set the scene for greater divide and abuse in this country. To lead is to lead by example, your example is left dangerously wanting, Theresa May. If there was any honour in your 'right honourable lady's' conscience you'd resign and call a general election.

The void I feel is not from your absence but your lack of connection.

The double edged sword of desire.

Passionately, longingly desiring a love to know me, to find me amongst the pride I use to conceal my true and shattered self whilst consuming whole a lust for the distant and self-orientated leaves me jaded time and time again yet still I continue to anxiously avoid the intimacy I most cherish. To be known is the scariest thing known to me. Both CPTSD and a diagnosed chronic illness that is widely misunderstood and interpreted, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is the scar left gaped open for no one to see. How to let love find me when love has never been but the opposite; indifference? My only experience is that of walking away a body running toward hurt and isolation.