The double edged sword of desire.

Passionately, longingly desiring a love to know me, to find me amongst the pride I use to conceal my true and shattered self whilst consuming whole a lust for the distant and self-orientated leaves me jaded time and time again yet still I continue to anxiously avoid the intimacy I most cherish. To be known is the scariest thing known to me. Both CPTSD and a diagnosed chronic illness that is widely misunderstood and interpreted, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is the scar left gaped open for no one to see. How to let love find me when love has never been but the opposite; indifference? My only experience is that of walking away a body running toward hurt and isolation.