Shifts in consciousness.

Unfailingly examination left to query, observed conversation scrapes door ajar, lucidity never quite affirmed but one closer trepid stride within through hunch as much voiced taciturn expression. Edging tactfully, cautiously not willingness known too soon...fright, illustrious motivator, seducer, confined beguilement we set ourselves.

All could leak in one transparent day for decision made easy.

Complex creatures, untangling shorn rope confused in connection...retying knots trepidatiously, assuredly. Hour and occasion adjust, reveal but what the fundamental of identity? Does core hold fast regardless which draws near? Unyielding stability never shaken from flesh to superficial air, what is mine and thine? Determination perceived as I, trust as much is earned, familiar. Keen disposition for decipher, loyalty unconditional in longevity whether near or far. A non possesive lover in puerile want of being possessed...the paradox that breaks me, gives reason to leave promise of commitment though no allegiance ever declared I would not keep. Sanctity of hills beckons barely, unwinding in promiscuity, proneness toward intimate confidant. Substantial the affection, considerable the forfeiture as confiscation shall expected attend. No stranger to void of ardour never gifted but foreigner to being held dear unless expensive price met...and so I nominate incapable the person I attach. Him, I consider may not as insufficiently equipped as gauged. Breast ignited in exhilaration new less afeared than envisaged...should not be continued road to perdition ultimately awaited. Shall fulfilling prophesied ruin be, preparedness lies deferred.

Foundered foundation unyielded by purposive hand.

Not be detrimentally touched by another's gift of worsted view, an untrusting stance, durable if burdensome when life already less than acceptable proceeds, taking every heavy step weary in will to keep walk on torrid land. Frame assaulted, wit spent by petty quarrel, dwelling not of social standing but place to lay trauma rest...what do I boast? Apprise you I what possess mine, immeasurable by decree of absence degree of toughness, enduring resilience, confidence born of intellect, both durability ability found. Notwithstanding kicked and punt down drive of determined actuation, to face community frown their furrowed frons at conceived non contributing part assigned to me, favoured, gracefull receipt their narrowed discernment I esteem them still, unliked but without corresponding acumen in return. Now tell me, intimate and foe blurred into one I scarcely know...what do you provide accord a world encouraged for marketed attributes profit make, the detriment of salvation to life abound? What unmonied extend does your hand afford your unrelated kin? Would you walk strong with straight and soaring height if stripped of contributed confidence found on shallow material ground? You, a castle built on sand.

Intimidation defence.

Unintentional...or willful, long abandoned origins of need to erect such offensive bearing. I suspect when left alone with child less year since birth and dilapidated house to raise, my son the sky, the shell of home the ground to build anew with scant resource. A requirement to outwit, outsmart men, jealous women, I dumbed down, hid behind frisky clown. There would be no control of me by another, never to get the better. I was not to be handled...

Handle...you said that...you will find way to handle me...with you, this begun. My back against the wall the moment you revealed your hand. Or when I dared express unconditional affection in knowing your deeper inclination to explode in vibrant pain you switched resentment? Unconscious transfer of hurt hurled my way, intensified the more you blocked the pronounced my pushing down. And now you leave me hushed, unresolved the path. Which drift now I exposed, you witnessed? Do you hide in discomposure or indignity? I do not fear retort, the silence furnishes me afeared. Your avoidance shapes mountains of molehills and I'm worn sore of the climb. I shall wait on level ground, find me here if you've a will. This walk, side by trusted side...all I endeavour with you.

Equals in life.

Affliction begets this harrowed soul, fevered ache robbing sleep to come. Lain wakened in salacious crave for ambition to ease, soothe this beaten body back to me. Not concerned for argument's sake but lost between unknown space, a land so vast in scope full with baited trips, no stepping stones, no ballast to firm the bog. Anxious spills over mature fathom, wise to lay in wait when incautious child restless hops from foot to steeled boot for run truant she will, winning before absence imposed.

So clear the solution, easy as easiness sought, a journey not of mine yet mine. along with yours made uncomplicated in return. Patience, my virtue not, ardour for indisposed learner to be enlightened, yes, educated, you portentious reactionary, unburdened by one considered lowly, inferior yet certain not without degree unrecognised through lens of institutional limiting hue. Vexing must be your surrender, paradox in learning from you this confident exposed in me. Until discourse is hand in calloused palm, straightening lopsided pride in hunched gait we shall not walk in equal association. Money maketh not the man...indigence, not the woman I am.

Labi Siffre - Something Inside So Strong

Only in recognition shall I be claimed...this is not a competition to win, to beat, tame, claim victorious a person you shape to your own. Freedom is mine and that, my darling you will never remove. I simply grow taller when you dangle the shackles, erect the shields that speak to me of you, not I. There is something inside that strong.

You say tomato, I say tomato.

Finally, we are getting somewhere. I can breathe again. I feel for you, I really do...I can see you are going through the pain I've left behind, the jealousy, the insecurity, the confusion of a past transferred. But yours is yours to bear as mine is mine and bear I have and do. Separation for connection, 'we can only love in proportion to our capacity for independence'...sounds profound but it was simply found on a frame, a cheap and irrelevant frame for a photo I've long forgotten. It made sense then and makes sense still, more.

Proximate depths.

In anxious impatience, I sought to hasten my way...slowed down, emptied mind to let be what is. The dark alley my thoughts wander when exhausted in self denying isolation trapped by dread of existing in dream, a falsehood in desperate attempt to hold dear ambition of life lived in nurtured partnership.

Is this the reality I seek to escape or the lie I prepare for valid disconnection? I've lost grasp of what I run in running so long the path is worn bare, stony underfoot toppling pace. There's no going back, no view ahead with disillusionment once an eye opened. No end to pain, a cycle of hurt of my own creation whether halted or without break. Self flagellation, masochistic embrace for what do I deserve? What wrongdoing was so great that a lifetime spent in punishment is my lot?

The rift I must cross, waken to a life fully touched is first met with death, distance from despair, from past, the proximity of a once lucid dream just out of reach. Promised friendship will be inclined along truthful lines of connection, communication spewing, struck by surprised engulfment, unexpected, unbleached adoration, despisement...both in one kiss. Indefinte measure and expance will reimburse the loss of absconded lust, reshape this kinship somehow. Once a pledge made, long is kept as such a gift is ever given in full confidence of ability, assuredness of want.