Unadulterated truth.

Strip all keeps me afloat, distractions, pretences of a life hoped, vacations from this reality to another and back again to one unrecognised ready to recreate and what I find is a dank hole filled with heaviness, a soul alone, unwanted. This is in me, this is what lies in wait at the core of this person I avoided as far back I know. The lostness of a child spent drifting, not knowing who she was aside inherent belief she must be hateful, wrong to deserve all she's given, what life meant, loneliness and fear plagued her steps into the world. Least of all she knew not what it felt to be cherished enough to be stood by, protected, loved by just one person...that would have been enough. That would still be enough. I carry her like a dulling weight holding me back. She cries in the dark to be held till she breathe that sigh only comes when safe, at last, understood. Seeping into my existence as I push her back, command control over the vulnerable, the hurt. I fight ardently to never let another harm whilst I feed her pain every day in need of removal from terror she feels. It's me she turns, it's me she needs...I would be enough.