Wholly broken.

Still scambling with projected hate when rejected by another...even if that other isn't wanted by me. The hurt never leaves when the loss of a mother's love continues...that loss derived when the child grows away from her encompassing grasp, her control, a natural separation from the womb into individual life. One gaping hole that can never be filled just lived and yet try to fill I carry on...distractions of varied and univeral kinds that connects all who know the inflicted upon life. I shall gave in to the pain, the tears and cry as I did when missing my father, remembering how he held responsible I for her from far too young an age to comprehend so he wouldn't have with her outragious displays of no repsonsibility taken dealt. My last conveyed anger with him when he came to reprimand yet again and in adulthood, a mother of my own children, I was relieved to have had before he died...in terms I told clear that he chose to marry the woman, that if he couldn't deal that is his problem to bear, not mine. I know he knew I was right, I know he loved me the best he could...I'm not so generous toward her although in distance I feel greater compassion than when in contection as then I'm pushed toward anger time and time again. It can be hard not when buttons are deliberately pushed even if not reacting externally at least...the frustration and confliction ensue when continuously abiding someone who claims to love treats in such a harmful way...my child within was tormented whilst realized this hatred she showed was and always will be her own.