Living in the moment, clear and present.

A central part of my training as a counsellor was to remain with the client, with the here and now as it presents itself and not push for forwarding movement and yet here I am only just realizing how in my personal life pushing for forwarding movement is exactly what I've been doing scaring both myself and the other in process. I'm not the only one, I'm fairly certain he's been doing that too in less direct ways. It seems I jump in at the deep end then frantically swim for shore and he wants to run before he can walk. What a pair this isn't!

Remaining in the moment is filled with our past and future confusing where we are. Unravelling what is going on for us, revealing hidden truths and gems is the only forwarding movement we can realistically make, an inward journey. All other attempts keep us stuck in the past or projected future. I find I am tamed, he the only person ever to have achieved this and it's nothing as I expected. I'm not controlled, cajoled but made secure, safe within his boundaries, at last, asserted and mine configured. He, backed into a corner that I alone have achieved, he said, unable to back up his argument or refute mine. Fear and mistrust have been the driving force, miscommunication the confusion. Acceptance will be the break, halting the manic rush, bringing us down to the ground to begin what was begun many a year ago, both denied, both leading us back to one another time and time again. Either that or I'm taking a merry trip to fantasy land...only time and patience will tell. The most arduous road I've yet travelled yet peaceful, knowing what will be will be alright. I shall carry on and so shall he