Home Is Where The Heart Is

Freedom..what is liberation without sharing? At long last, my voice was found hidden behind the oppression of my lover but ultimately my conditioning as a child reared by the anecdotal overbearing mother from hell. The paradoxical irony is it was his challenging me that sprouted my need to tell him exactly how my experience with him has been to which he's had and still has no knowledge of what he does nor does he understand what I say as he translates through filters of projected negativity and assumption no matter my wording or clarity. Prepared as he was and I suspect remains to revisit this exhaustive circular conversation until he's convinced it's me not he in the wrong in protection of his fragile esteem, I've staked claim to my own sanity, no more am I willing to ride his merry-go-round. In this elated liberated state, however, I find myself wanting him to see me released with confidence, another paradox I'm convinced if he knew me as I freely am he'd recognise what I've seen all along, I his equal match but of course, this is the I that scares him the most, a threat to his carefully crafted defences, not as extension of him for social acceptance and value. With this ending new beginnings are forging, hungry and exhausted I now find relieved rest calls before this journey alone commences in my readiness to say "no" without guilt or fear of accustomed repercussions but with an honest love for us both. He can hardly hurt me more than already done as I am lost to him now as much as I was then. Found to me, home is exactly where I want to be at long long last.