Live, die, repeat.

From the inside looking out, I imagine you looking in and I regulate my behaviour accordingly. I did not give you direct permission to control my life but permission I gave all the same for reasons that are revealed. My father's disapproving looks were all it took for me to jump inline with the step I instinctively knew he walked. But in my repeated story I see both you and I and learn which self I want to be.

If the handled person you need me to be suits, I play along and defiantly rally against simultaneously until I cheery pick the bits I need to act accordingly in tune with my own step. There is method to my madness, to all our idiosyncrasies and one day perhaps I won't need to recreate the same picture of my past to find my own way or maybe that is my way. The answers to the questions of our lives all lie within us, we simply need to stop looking where we can see and delve deep into the darkness where the light will surely be shone. The worst has already happened, how does it serve to relive the agony over and over again?