On being loved conditionally.

When we begin life with a perception of not being loved unconditionally or not being important enough we can go through life testing other people's commitment, behaving in ways that may seem incongruent with a need to be loved and accepted as we are. A belief, known or unknown to us, that we have to prove ourselves worthy of love. If only we can get things right, be perfect enough we'll surely find what we need and want the most. Our skins may become thin to what we perceive as criticism whether such is the intent of the giver or not. Always in defence, hiding our vulnerabilities out of fear of being exposed as the unloveable, inadequate person we think we are. This, for anyone not understanding the dynamics of reenacting out our childhood, often alienates us from what we seek, inducing attack and abandonment instead.

We are the people who never quite seem at ease, never quite fit in, from all walks of life, there is no discrimination other than having parents or caregivers who for their own reasons from their own childhood have not been able to emotionally attach. Whilst some children will feel loved there can still be a sense of having to behave in ways other than feels natural to be accepted. The path of non-judgemental self discovery and care can become the parents we wish we'd had. Understanding leads to tolerance and compassion for oneself and others. 'It is not to see something first, but to establish solid connections between the previously known and the hitherto unknown that constitutes the essence of scientific discovery. It is this process of tying together which best promote true understanding and real progress.' Hans Selye. The Stress of Life.