I wasn't born for 1984.

If I was to be completely honest; I let them hold onto me. I've not cared for their methods but their manipulation at least created an illusion of being wanted. I know not loved but needed and valued so long as I gave them the fight they could claim their own victory. I played my part well when walking away, saying nothing would have set me free from hearing their tyrannous scorn if not inevitably seeing the outcome. I knew whichever way I turned, the same would apply. I knew my fight for freedom was with myself to then wake up to a world of much the same war. The same rules that apply the honesty my family portrays in its dishonesty. The awareness of the only freedom I have is in being aware of the role I complete and how I got here. The rest then isn't a simple choice to play or not to play that role but to first understand the consequences when I don't, and instinctively I do, we all do, and then choose to live with or without them but always still a consequence when we do.

I chose to bear the former then because so long as I was in that battle I could divert my eyes from the war. A war I have lived prepared to win my own peace. My family isn't uniquely oppressive, it's a stark but not the starkest reflection of the wider government. I was not unfortunate, I was a result as we all are of the boundaries already set for us, the limitations made of our minds in ruling our lives and our ability to comply or not. I have only set myself free to live with this and identify the characters. The bleakness I see is the colour we all miss when we don't; when we see only the black and white rule book, looking only where the light is shone when what's in the dark is the finding. The shadows hold nothing to fear but in their avoidance, we fear everything and help create a frightening world imprisoning us all. A world we then seek to escape into delusion. And so it goes on. If I was to be completely honest; I'm not sure you can hear me.